There are seasons in life where I have begged God to protect me, sometimes from strangers, other times danger, and many times from my own mind. From the memories that replay at 2AM. From the conversations I cannot stop dissecting. From the fear that creeps in when life feels uncertain. From the weight of trying to hold together things that were never mine to carry in the first place.

And maybe that sounds strange to some people, but if you have ever walked through heartbreak, betrayal, grief, disappointment, exhaustion, loneliness, illness, or spiritual warfare, then you know exactly what I mean.

Sometimes protection does not look like God removing every hard thing from our path. Sometimes protection looks like Him keeping our heart from hardening in the middle of it. Sometimes His protection is physical. Sometimes it is emotional. Sometimes it is spiritual. Sometimes it is Him revealing hidden things before they destroy us. Sometimes it is Him exposing what was done in darkness so we stop blaming ourselves for battles we never created.

And sometimes…His protection looks like removing people, opportunities, desires, or plans we begged Him to let stay. That kind of protection hurts. But I am learning that God can see pain I cannot yet see. He sees consequences before I ever arrive there. He sees what is happening behind closed doors. He sees hidden motives, silent attacks, spiritual battles, and things my human heart is simply too limited to understand.

And because He loves us, sometimes He says no. Sometimes He closes the door. Sometimes He delays the answer. Sometimes he makes us wait for the breakthrough. Sometimes He strips away the thing we were desperately trying to hide because He knows it would eventually break us.

I think one of the hardest prayers to pray is “Lord, protect me… even if it disappoints me.” Because if I am honest, there have been moments where I wanted comfort more than the truth. I wanted answers more than I wanted surrender to his plan. I wanted immediate relief more than refinement. But God cares more about our healing than our temporary comfort.

There have been seasons where I prayed endlessly for God to fix a situation, only to slowly realize He was trying to fix me first.

Not because I was always the problem. But because wounded people can unknowingly bleed on others. Fear can distort our thinking. Pain can make us reactive. Exhaustion can make us emotionally fragile.

And I have learned there is something deeply humbling about asking God “Search me too.”

Lord, if I am wrong, correct me. If my heart is unhealthy, heal it. If pride is creeping in, humble me. If fear is leading me, steady me. If my thoughts are spiraling, quiet them. If I am trying to control what only You can carry, loosen my grip. There is such safety in surrendering ourselves fully before the Lord because His correction is never meant to destroy us. It is meant to restore us.

But there are also seasons where you truly did your part. You prayed. You cried. You worshipped through the heartbreak. You waited when you wanted to run. You tried to communicate. You tried to fix it. You tried to love well. You tried to hold everything together. And despite all of it…things still hurt.

That is the place where trust becomes real. Because eventually you reach the end of your own strength and realize not every battle is yours to fight. Some things can only be handled by God.

Some burdens are too heavy for human hands. Some answers are beyond our understanding. Some wounds cannot be rushed into healing. Some situations are so tangled and painful that the only thing left to do is sit at the feet of Jesus and whisper, “Lord, I cannot carry this anymore.”

And that is where I am right now. I am exhausted from carrying emotional weight most others can’t see. I am fighting battles that I cannot even explain out loud. I am trying so hard to stay strong while secretly wondering how much more my heart can take. But in all of this, I know something, God has not abandoned me here. Not in the confusion. Not in the silence. Not in the waiting. Not in the heartbreak. Not in the sorrow. Not in the nights where I cry so hard I cannot even form words anymore. He is still here and he has a purpose.

Psalm 91 says:

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.”

There is something so tender about that imagery to me. Not a distant God. Not a cold God. Not a God waiting for me to fail.

A Father covering His child. Protecting them from things they cannot yet see.

I think sometimes I assume God’s protection means I will not feel the deepest pain as long as I am trusting him, but the more I learn, the more I realize His protection often looks like sustaining me through the pain instead. Because somehow I survive things I thought would destroy me.

Somehow I wake up again after nights that felt unbearable. Somehow I keep breathing after heartbreak. Somehow I keep loving after betrayal. Somehow I keep going after exhaustion tried to consume us. And I can promise you that strength does not come from Tabitha. That is God carrying me when I no longer have the strength to carry myself.

And maybe part of the purpose behind all of this pain is not just survival. Maybe it is ministry. Maybe the darkness you walked through becomes a lantern for someone else. Maybe your healing becomes proof that God still restores people. Maybe your survival becomes the roadmap for someone who feels stranded in the exact same wilderness you once wandered through alone.

Because there are people who need someone honest. Someone who understands exhaustion. Someone who understands grief. Someone who understands disappointment and fear and unanswered questions and silent tears.

Maybe your story becomes the thing that helps another person keep going one more day.

2 Corinthians 1:4 says that God comforts us so that we can comfort others with the same comfort we have received ourselves.

What if your healing was never meant to stop with you? What if God trusted you enough to let your pain produce compassion instead of bitterness?

That thought wrecks me sometimes. Because when I look back at all the seasons that almost broke me, I can now see how God was protecting pieces of me I did not even realize were worth saving.

My faith. My softness. My ability to love. My calling. My future. My testimony.

And maybe He is doing the same for you right now. So if you are tired today, rest in this, What is meant for you will not miss you. What God has spoken over your life still stands. What tried to destroy you will not have the final word. And the God who carried you this far is not about to leave you now.

You are going to make it. Even if you cannot see how yet. Even if your heart feels weary. Even if the road feels impossibly long. In your weakness, He is still strong.

And I pray that maybe one day, the very place that hurt the most will become the place where God’s light shines through the brightest.